If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
