i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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