in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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