So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
