i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
