Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
