I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
True college students do jello shots in the library
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
