I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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