You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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