Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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