oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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