I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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