Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
