What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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