so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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