Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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