Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone signed my nipple.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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