I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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