Will you blow on my dice?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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