The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
