I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
