One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
