shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it glows. i had to have it.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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