He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
