he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
