i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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