Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
