The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
