so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
