Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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