She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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