so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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