I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
