you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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