How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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