We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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