i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
