i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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