I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
