Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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