I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize