You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
