Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
