I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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