What a fucking waste of an outfit
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
