never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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