I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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