I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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