Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
