The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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