So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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