I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize