She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
