His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
