CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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