i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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