i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
