Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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