Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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