You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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