Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize