the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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