i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
