see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
