So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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