i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're like the curious george of whores
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
