We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
