please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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