3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
