i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dicks are not precious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
