Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
