so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
