Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
