I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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