Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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