have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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