The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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