this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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