i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
