you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
